Tag Archives: desire

Couples Need to Fan the Flame

What is the difference between love and desire? Love and desire relate and conflict: Love is: When you care, worry, feel responsible for someone. You want to minimize threats, reduce the distance, and nurture them. Desire is: an expression of freedom and autonomy. Many can feel freer with people they are less emotionally involved in. […] Continue reading

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Emphasis on egalitarian and respectful sex — purged of any expressions of power, aggression, and transgression — is antithetical to erotic desire, for men and women alike

Ironically, some of America’s best features—the belief in democracy, equality, consensus-building, compromise, fairness, and mutual tolerance—can, when carried too punctiliously into the bedroom, result in very boring sex. http://www.estherperel.com/cultivating-erotic-intelligence-in-couples-therapy/ Continue reading

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What some women know about how to build up (more) desire

Some women are very good at teasing — to wit: if you haven’t known frustration, it’s hard to know desire. http://www.estherperel.com/the-relationship-between-frustration-and-desire/ Continue reading

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I can’t get no satisfaction, but at least I can own my desire!

You can never force them to want. It remains our fundamental sovereignty, our fundamental freedom is in desire. But desire has become a centralized principle of modern life. In that sense, we are in a society today that constantly cultivates our wantings and then exorts us to satisfying our wantings. We are in the culture […] Continue reading

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